i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
