My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
