I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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