we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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