everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
