God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
