He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
