Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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