gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
