Your dad touched me again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
