bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
