I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
