No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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