see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
