If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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