I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
