My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
