Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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