I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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