im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
