Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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