Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
