Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
