The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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