i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
