All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
