i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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