I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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