Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Damn victory sex feels great
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
