I need to stop coming to work sober
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
