what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
