If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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