I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I want is dick and wine.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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