he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i now understand why vodka
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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