but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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