i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
