I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
