Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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