shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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