I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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