Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
