just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex on a dog bed..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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