KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
