4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
