If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
