When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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