After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
