why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
