i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
zippers are such a cool invention
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
