I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
