Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
